How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
