He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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