I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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