Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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