the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
