Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
