ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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