Me. At least after what I've been through.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
