I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
