i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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