He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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