does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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