so that wasnt chicken after all
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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