Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
