yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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