you guys were way drunker than both of me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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