Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
