Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
