First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
