just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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