I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
