You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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