I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
3pm strippers are depressing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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