How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
