you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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