I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
