Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you would pick up someone in the library
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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