Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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