apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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