i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
