a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
