i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Boobs are out for the taking
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
