Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
