turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
