I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
