I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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