all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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