He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
