Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
