he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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