If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
