so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
