I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
