at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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