dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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