I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
