i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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