there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
