I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
