I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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