We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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