he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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