This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
