Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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