Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
