In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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