Me too!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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