Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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