Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
