When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I deserve this hangover.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
