real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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