had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
