dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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