basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
