Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
