When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
