I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
