you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
