I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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