she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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