brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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