just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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